Thursday, July 19, 2018

Divided. Flourish.

Divided. My life is divided into many many different pieces. Places, people, passions, hobbies, responsibilities, trials, goodness, mother, wife, sister, daughter, close friend, social media friend, church member, school member. And on, and on. I am divided. I long for the islands. I love the convenience of city life on the coast. I miss my quiet life with family and farm animals. Storms rolling in and green pastures. I love following everyone as we write tiny blurbs and share a pic with each other throughout the week. I miss long blog posts and heartfelt discussion. I love Netflix. I miss reading.
My goal is to find who I am NOW. HERE. and to Flourish.

Saturday, June 02, 2018

Happy Birthday Leif

HAPPY BIRTHDAY  today to the Love of my life!! Leif Baron there are no words to completely express how much you mean to me. Thank you for bringing so much joy to my world and to all who you come in contact with. I Love You!


Happy 39th Papa!


Celebrating Papa's birthday at the beach. We had such a great couple of days with him during his days off. The boys shopped for special gifts (Jakob got him a Massaging roller. JJ got Life Savers, because Leif is a "life saver" and Caleb got him a Lava Lamp.) We ended the party with a trip to Sizzler for all you can eat shrimp for Papa. The kids have officially declared it their favorite restaurant. Which is a gift in itself. We Love You Papa!!! You're your son's Best Friend. Who could ask for more!?

Saturday, May 05, 2018

Grateful for Strength

Before I fall asleep tonight I am finally going to take a moment and sing praises to my Father in Heaven who saw fit to restore my strength after years of illness and fatigue. Every single day I find myself at least once, often more, in awe at how it feels to be able to care for my family completely. My life is not without its challenges. But my heart's desire was granted after years of pleading for the ability to be well enough to truly live, and raise my children. For this blessing I am forever grateful to my Lord!! #Hehearsourprayers  #Histimingissure  #nevernevernevergiveuphope

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Facebook is the New Blog

How sad that it's been SOOO Long since I've updated this blog!!!  Luckily I have life documented elsewhere. But I shouldn't let it slip like this. It doesn't help that I started writing on a new blog for our latest adventure.

I'm pregnant again. Thrilled!! But still often wonder What the He*l we were thinking getting back to this part of life's journey. But this baby wants a body relentlessly. And after years of not being able, a miraculous healing, months of praying, professional counseling we began the sojourn of bringing another baby into this world. His story can be followed on www.MamasEndlessWhisper.blogspot.com

Otherwise, we still live with family in Alton. Leif is working at all of the local hospitals in the region. The kids LOVE School! Our pony passed away due to old age. Our goats have all given birth except for one who is due any time. We Love our world. My only struggle is the absolute remoteness of where we live. One Hour OVER A MOUNTAIN to get to Walmart and TWO HOURS to the temple and Costco. I'm trying to hang on through this part of the journey and focas on the many positives we have to be grateful for.

Life is Good! NOT EASY, but Good!

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Family Update: Air Force - Homestead - and the Priesthood

We have created our new "Normal" here in Alton, Utah.  We've all finally acclimated to the higher elevation and can breath much better. Our skin and noses are still very much missing the humidity. But that will come in time as well and we will move on to acclimating to the Cold temperatures that are quickly approaching. Life is good here.

Months ago Leif went through the process of applying to become a Medical Officer in the USAF. Everything was complete except the interview with the Chief Nurse. Hawaii was going through a change in command and he wasn't able to meet with someone before he had to leave the island for his new work contract in California. He had warned his recruiter in advance that he would be probably be relocating to CA and was assured that there wouldn't be a shake up in his application process. Well, that wasn't true. When he arrived in California his Hawaii recruiter passed him a name and phone number and dropped him like a rock. That person was on Leave and the time came and went for the process to be completed with no further communication or answers to Leif's calls. Therefore, the journey of the Air Force life will not be in our future within this year. And most likely, not ever. 

It has been years since I have felt the drive and peace about settling down and establishing some roots. We feel that now. I don't know what the future holds. But at least I know that I won't have to pack us all up within the year and move again.  The kids are thriving in their new school. And I Love working with our animals and land on our little family homestead.

Leif is working hard in California and has extended his contract through February.  From there, I'm not sure what his career path will be. We miss him often. But are settled in here and find a lot of joy with Erik and Stacey and their daughter Victoria. I'm able to handle the every day challenges three weeks out of my cycle and one week is a nightmare filled with a lot of loneliness and anxiety.  But we know the pattern and are able to work through it with the love and support of Heaven and family around us. 

I still revel in the miracle of renewed health and strength. This weekend I was able to toss logs for splitting for a couple of hours as well as bales of hay to feed the animals. Along with mothering duties and caring for the animals. Strength like that still humbles me and fills me with gratitude and amazement. 

Jakob turned 12 years old in August and Leif was able to come home and ordain him to the Aaronic Priesthood. This was a very special event in Jakob's life and he takes it very seriously. He is a precious son of God with a tender heart, willing to do what is right. I feel blessed to be his mother. 

Within this month I was able to find the Miniature Shetland Pony of my dreams. He has been a great soothing distraction for me. As well as a blessing for JJ, who loves to ride and care for him. 

We are very blessed and I feel our Father in Heaven's hand in my life daily. Without Him, I would be lost and wandering in a hard, hard, journey. Praise Be, to Him!!

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Hold to the Light - Live for It - Fight for It

Today I'm pondering the power and difference between Light and Dark. Sometimes we receive negative (dark) information, opinions, and "facts" about some one or something that we individually have already felt Light, Peace, Edification, Completion, etc, about. When we receive this new information that does not resemble these feelings of enlightenment we Must Remember the feelings, answers, and peace, The Light, that we have already felt prior to the new-found "information". And Cast Not Away Our Confidence in the Light and Knowledge we were already given. We must hold on to Light and pray through the storms of doubt and confusion that will surly come through time. Light is Always fought against by Dark. Hold On to that which brings Light, Peace, Edification, and Completion. And in time, Light will prevail and grow. Darkness will fade away. #FightForLight

Surrounded by Beauty and Joy - Yet Incomplete

There is a common struggle that we face as spouses separated by Deployment or Employment Abroad. There's not really a name for it, other than maybe "Incomplete Joy."  I am faced with the fact that I am surrounded by nature's majestic beauty and the excitement that comes from living on a homestead in the mountains of Southern Utah. But even with all of the glory that surrounds me, at times I'm unable to completely feel the joy that it emanates. I am incomplete. And there is only one explanation for the way I feel. My husband isn't here to share it with me. The joy, the beauty, the new life...

This can go both ways really. It can cause a lot of friction if not kept in check. One spouse may be experiencing an African safari while the other is wrestling the crazy kids on the home front. Or, like us, one may be preparing to bring home the new bottle calves for the boys to raise or living on the beach in Hawaii while the other is working double overtime to pay off the bills and create a savings. It's very easy to build up resentment towards each other in these situations. In my world, I try hard to fight against that resentment when it comes, and the result sometimes tends to be loneliness. Not despair. Just a sense of sadness that Leif's not here with us to relish in the joys we're experiencing.

We're looking at another four months of separation with a mini vacation to Missouri in between. We've tackled one month so far. Today it feels A Lot longer then one month. Wow! I shouldn't have done that math. ;) The daily grind makes it feel so much longer.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Making the Adjustment - Moving From Hawaii to Utah

We left Hawaii and landed on the mainland last week. I am so grateful we've moved to a beautiful place. Because I miss the Ocean, Terribly! The spiritual and healing energy that the ocean emanates soothes me to the core. I can feel its absence. I am trying very hard to fill my soul with the beauty and goodness that surrounds us here. I hope it will take affect soon. The fact that we've moved from 13 feet elevation to over 7,000 feet elevation has thrown myself (and the boys') bodies for a loop as well. Caleb put it perfectly when out of the blue while playing on a playground here he said "the gravity is different here."  He's right. The elevation creates a big difference and adjustment for our sensitive bodies. I'm trying to shake the fatigue and rekindled aches in my joints.

But with this all being true, there is stunning beauty around us and so much goodness! It's hard to explain in words the beauty. It's SO QUIET! There's lush green mixed with red rock cathedral shaped mountains that encircle the acres of farm land that we live on. The town of Alton has a population of just over 100 people. True Story! Tomorrow we have to go grocery shopping. We will have to drive over the Cedar Mountain to get to a Wal-Mart. It will take us almost 2 hours to get there. Praise Be for Amazon Prime which ships in two days. Otherwise, we save a lot of money because of the lack of access to shopping and restaurants.

I'm working on creating a healthy routine here. One of my biggest fears is the haunting possibility of depression due to the solitude and cold weather/lack of sun light that's just around the corner, next month. My sister in law (Stacey) and I have been walking in the morning with a neighbor. It is Absolutely Beautiful! This will probably be a life line. I'm pondering buying a treadmill to put up in front of the bay window during the winter. Yes, right in the middle of the living room. :) I'm thinking about getting two so that Stacey and I will both be able to exercise easily even during the harsh cold.

Every time we move I have to make a Very Conscious effort to remember the "tricks" I've figured out to staying well. First and foremost, I HAVE to take my medication and nutritional supplements every single day! Second, I must use music to motivate me to move forward during the day if I get stuck too long. Third, I must be able to at least see the nature around me, and see and feel the sunshine. Finally, I MUST feed myself Spiritually.
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