Saturday, March 19, 2016


For the last week my nights have been filled with nightmares.  Nightmares for me usually revolve around three subjects: Emotional trauma between my mother and I, the loss of my twin daughters, or anxiety about my boys.  This week my dreams have been filled with all three.

Last night in my dreams I was trying desperately to walk my boys to a new school. But they wouldn't stay with me. We Finally made it to the school, only to find that it was an enormous school with no rhyme or reason to how it was mapped out. I finally got the boys into their classrooms and then Caleb's class started to read a book. I knew there was no way he could read the book, and I was so sad for him.  And mad at myself. This dream represents my current struggle with enrolling my boys into school again next year. There is obviously a lot of underlying stress about the subject.

The other night my dreams were filled with all things GIRL. Any book I opened up was not filled with words but pink laces and overflowing pink tutus. My hair was overflowing with all kinds of hair clips and trinkets...  and lost babies that I could never seem to find.

When it comes to the dreams about my mother, well... Let's just say we argue a lot in those dreams and it's never pretty, happy, or healing.  However, now-days on occasion I will find myself dreaming about good times with my mother. Our relationship has become more "normal" since we've all grown up and changed. There are more happy memories for my mind to pull from. I am very grateful for that!!

Gratefully, nightmares are not a constant for me. They come and go. Some are filled with more PTSD then others. Sometimes they linger in my soul throughout my waking day. And other times they are mercifully forgotten. And above all, I am grateful that the events that they play out are NOT REAL ever, or at least Any More!!  My waking life is filled with Love and Happiness.  Never stress-
free. But I am happy!

Monday, March 14, 2016

Sensory Processing Disorder: Tools

Caleb (7+yrs) battles Sensory Processing Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder, and High Functioning Autism. That's a lot to cope with for such a little guy. And he is AMAZING!! We Love everything about him.

Over the years we have learned A LOT of coping skills and life skills to make his life and our life as a family easier to handle. Sometimes one of the struggles flares up more then usually and it requires desperate measures. This is one of those times.

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) is a condition that effects the many senses of the body. Right now Caleb's struggling with everything Mouth or "Oral Processing." His shirt is soaked within five minutes of putting it on because he's chewed on it. EVERYTHING he holds goes to his mouth without thinking. And lots of kisses. And then his started sucking on his arm.

That gave me an idea. A Pacifier a.k.a Binky. It's not our Favorite idea to rewind the clock and use a binky again. But I was desperate. So I got on the internet and found an "Adult" size binky that is used for this exact purpose. So I ordered it!  Not even sure if he would use it. But it was worth the try.

We got it yesterday and it is a HUGE hit!!! He is always chewing or occasionally sucking on it. There has been less bouncing off the walls and mouthing things, it's a no brainer that we will continue using it as a tool. It's somewhat big for our little guy. So I actually just ordered some regular 16+month size pacifiers.

It's never "easy" to accept that we deal with a lot of very unusual issues for a 7 year old. But I am so grateful first, for a husband who is humble enough to support the Strange solutions, and two, for the resources that are out there to help us along the way.
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