Saturday, September 15, 2012

Good Times!

Good Times! We have had a wonderful weekend! I feel very tired. But content. Content for me is very unusual and such a good feeling. The kids have played all day without watching any movies or Netflix. Although, they are watching Night at the Museum at the moment. I put on a DVD for them so I could take a bath. Another very nice thing.

This afternoon just as I was feeling the desperate need for a nap my brother in law came home from work and offered to take Jakob and Caleb out to the hills to cut wood for the winter.  They ended up having a great time and JJ and I got in a good nap.

:):) Have I ever mentioned that one of my favorite sounds is the sound of my children laughing :):) -It's a funny movie.

Well, I made cookies and had people to visit with and space to send my kids throughout the day. So I feel blessed.:) It's time for bed. I am so very grateful for these weekend breaks. But I did still find myself busy the entire day feeding - cleaning up - feeding -cleaning up- refereeing - feeding - ... Well, you get the picture. And you know the feeling. Someday I do hope for a getaway that lasts long enough for me to sleep, eat, and work on hobbies uninterrupted long enough for me to ... to what? Feel content? Didn't I just say I was content... Hmmm? That's what I get for thinking too deeply.

All is well. Leif is doing well in school. We are being taken care of. I get to go home this week and work on remodeling my bedroom. At the moment I have decided on the paint colors Desert Rose and an accent color of something like a cranberry. I guess if I have to look on the bright side of having Leif gone, it's that I can paint our bedroom in a pink tone and he's okay with it:)

Well, It's time to say goodnight. :)

Friday, September 14, 2012

It's the Weekend: Time to Get Away!

I have become very grateful for my husbands family. Especially during this time when Leif is away. Up until recently Leif was often able come home for visits on the weekends. Now he is working/training at the hospital on Friday and Saturday. So this has left the weekends up to me, alone with the kids. Let's just say it only took one Friday to realize that this wasn't going to work at all!! My husband's good brother and his good wife live an hour north of us in a beautiful small community in the valleys between two National Parks. Their home feels very much like heaven might feel to me. It is filled with love and so much beauty not only in their home but surrounding their home. The air often sells of Cedar or Lilacs. Okay, sometimes it smells like farm animals too:) But that's what being out in nature is all about. Natural.:)

Anyway- These good friends (family) of ours have agreed to let the kids and I pretty much move in with them on the weekends. I Love it! The boys Love it! And I hope/think they enjoy us most of the time as well. :) I feel abundantly blessed!

I have decided that my sweet boys are wonderful road trip companions (90%) of the time. I am also very grateful for this!!

I am now being serenaded by the melodious sounds of my sweet little rascles all breathing deeply or mumbling   every so often as they journey through dreamland. I think I will follow their lead and call it a day as well. I felt strength today. I needed it and I am so grateful for it! Thank you all for your love and support, by the way! It means a lot to me!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Another Day - Not Too Bad

Music! There is a power in music that reaches the soul. I know, that's not an original thought. But none the less, it is very true. However it's our choice whether the music is healing or depleting. At the moment I'm listening to "Mayberry" by Rascal Flatts. I Love a song with a story. I love it even more when I can relate to it's story. I have to consciously choose what music I listen to at different times in my life, month, week, day, hour. Music is that powerful for me. Now I'm listening to "This Everyday Love" again by Rascal Flatts. Now this is a song that puts words to my love and life with Leif. It's hard to find the words to explain a happy marriage sometimes. This song brings out the simplicity of the truth. Nice!

Okay, so my day... Well, we made it out the door this morning and Caleb only insisted on one clothes change before we walked into his school. Don't worry, I wouldn't put up with two... I don't think. Sometimes these days it's just easier to change the shirt, shorts, pants, socks, well you get the pictures. The fight can be more draining then the multiple changes. We're surviving though. Caleb loves school. He struggles with seperation anxiety a little more then normal which is hard. If I was feeling well I probably would give in and keep him home. But I know he is in a really good place and he would be miserable if he was at home. They take good care of him and I try to stay in touch with the teachers. Jakob is doing really well in school as well. I am personally thrilled by the fact that his homework load is light this year. This is a huge blessing for our family this year! He is able to finish it at the library after school while I pick up Caleb and update with his teachers. Then we can just have free family time until bedtime. Love It!!

My goals today were to take the van in for maintenance: Check!  Load the dish washer: Check!
The rest of the day I napped. I chose a color or two to repaint my bedroom. Found weathered wood out i the yard to make a DIY headboard (way excited about this!) and I bought latex stain for the outside stairs. I fed the kids (chili over corn chips) So nutritious, I know! Last night was cereal, bananas, and yogurt. Lovely! Caleb whined for salad tonight at dinner! Where did I get these kids anyway!?;)

I felt Extremely strange today. At one point I told Leif I felt like I was on speed (not that I have a clue how that really feels:) Yet, my body felt SO Very Tired! It's the strangest feeling. The "speed" feeling comes from a medication I take and the Crystal Light Energy I drink sometimes when I have to do a little more then the norm (like leave the house more then to take and gather children.)

So now it's 10:20 and I really need to get to sleep. Leif and I dedicated and listened to a few love songs together for our "date night" tonight. We've been dedicating songs to each other and posting them on our "Love Letters Along the Way" blog. We've got a great list of songs that fit us just right so far. Leif worked on making them in to a CD for me today. I can't wait to listen to it and raise my boys to jam out to sappy love songs:) Especially when they tell them the story of their parents love for each other.

Speaking of Love,  I can't believe I almost forgot to mention this!!: Guess what I got in the mail today!?
Do you remember this from one of my recent posts? YeP! My Love surprised me with this sweet clock today!:) It's hanging in our living room and Jakob's first comment was that it reminds him of our family (silly and wild.) I completely agree! Thank you My Love!!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Smiles and Not, And Fun Up Ahead!

Do you think it might be a little counter productive to have the A/C going on one side of the house and the Heater going on the other? Yeah, I don't think I would be considered very "green.":) September is the month when we're trying to acclimate from being constantly hot to being cold. So I just try to find a happy medium... :) Just Kidding. I just realized what had happened and thought I'd write about it.:)

Tonight as Leif and I visited over Skype we were just about to say goodnight and pray together when I said "so does my face look like I've gained weight?" :)  Leif was smart and just gave me a half smile in silence and I was smart and changed the subject.:) Some things just don't need to be said!

You know, I could end there and you might all think that my day has been full of witty smiles:) So... Maybe I should.:) Naaa, I'll be honest and tell you the whole truth. I got a lot done this morning and afternoon. My goal was to sift through the mounds of clothes that I had piled in my closet and organize for the winter and Goodwill. I reached that goal today. But it must have come at a cost. Because I was not at my best this afternoon with the kids. I feel so bad on days like this. But I'm still kinda bugged too. Jakob was Really pushing my buttons today! And Caleb's whine!! Uggg! But the day is over now, right?? Thank Heavens!  I'm praying for a better mood and energy tomorrow. Tonight my head was so heavy...

Let's end this on a good note, shall we? Well, I "calendared" with my dear Mother-in-Law this afternoon and she has agreed to watch the boys for us for a few nights in November so I can go to Flagstaff. Technically, I am scheduled to be in a meeting all day one of those days for the Head Start program (I am our representative here in Fredonia.) But that means that my travel, food, and hotel will be paid for during part of my stay. AND, it just happens to be scheduled on November 7th and 8th. I Really wanted to be with Leif on Election Day, which just happens to be November 6th. So Yippee for a fun few days with my hubby in the future!! Something great to look forward to!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

It's All a Matter of Perspective

I've been reading an amazing blog journal written by a medical professional in Japan who was called to help the victims of the earthquake and tsunami in 2011. I haven't finished reading her whole journey yet. But I decided to finish for tonight and write. She wrote about the terrible, unimaginable struggles that the people faced and how hard they were. But she seemed to have the underlining current of hope for a brighter moment or day ahead. I finished tonight with a story about a woman who gave birth to a healthy baby among the chaos and heartache. She talked about the hope the baby brought for their future and the ray of sunshine the baby brought into the hospital. It hit me that almost everything around us and our interpretation is all a matter of choice and perspective. This woman chose to allow the birth of this baby to bring her light. She could have chosen to dwell on the hardships that the baby was about to face in its upcoming days ahead. She chose to see God even amidst the storm. It's all a matter of perspective.

The boys and I were headed to our van this evening after a Cub Scout Pack Meeting. Within seconds my boys were running as fast as their legs could carry them along the sidewalk, into the parking lot, and finally to the van. My first instinct was to call out to them to slow down and walk in order to avoid face planting to the ground on their way or worse, bolting out in front of a car. But just as I was opening my mouth, it hit me. "Let them run, you just take in the memory." And so I did. I watched them chase each other in the Autumn dusk. the sun setting off to the distance. Jakob taking the lead, with Caleb in toe, and JJ trailing not far off in the distance. Their laughter ripples in the evening breeze. Caleb falls, just as I had predicted and Jakob calls out to him "You're Okay!" Caleb jumps up as if Jakob's word can never be wrong. And there I see it. The beauty of my life set out right before me. It's all a matter of perspective.  Thank you Father!

Monday, September 10, 2012

It Is Time to Share

I think it's amazing that during the two most difficult times in my life (so far) -the loss of my twins and Leif being away at school-, I have written very little. This is a sad reality because there is so much to share and so many lessons learned. These are the times when the roots of empathy for other's struggles have been established in my own life. I am going to try harder to write more. To share more. Even if the posts aren't all cheerful. In fact, many of them might be abstract and melancholy. If this ends up happening, they will only prove the truth. Some of them will be deep and lonely. Some of them will be short and sweet smiles. Either way, they will be me.

So much is happening in my life right now. So much is happening within my body right now. I have finally admitted to myself and to my close family members, and now to you, that I am in a strange state of depression. An illness and stress induced depression. We know that there are contributing factors to the problem. We just haven't pin-pointed exactly all of them. Nor have we found the right doctors to help eliminate the antagonists. I pray that we will find each other soon.

So, there it is. I have told my readers many many of my health issues over the years. Including many that have led me to where I am today. But this is one of the most uncomfortable to discuss. It's deep and personal. It has multiple faces, names, and personalities. None of which are very pretty. This is one of the reasons that I don't write very often. It's just not a very fun subject. But I need to write. I need to challenge my mind and my heart to find a balance and the words to the feelings. I need to sift through the fog to find the reality verses the adversary. So I am going to force myself to write every night. You're in for some very interesting reading, I'm sure!:)  A pendulum of emotion and stories. It is time to share...
-BTW: I Totally Want That Clock!:)-
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