Friday, April 27, 2012

Hard Things Do Pass!

I have so much to be grateful for. So much to celebrate. As you may have read from my last post, I often have hard moments or days when I wonder how in the world I am going to make it through the weakness and failures that I feel. But gratefully, somehow, better days and better moments do come.

After blogging the feelings I felt in my last post I laid down for a short nap. Soon Leif's mom came up and took the boys for us, and Leif and I went in to St. George for "a date." Overall it was a wonderful afternoon and evening together. As the days tick away towards the journey we're up against my emotions will suddenly take over at very sporadic and random moments. This day was definitely one of those moments. As we got on the road it didn't take long for my tears to start as we listened to music while we drove. Love songs, are so not a good idea right now unless tears are an option. I wasn't doing a very good job of expressing myself verbally to Leif for a while, In fact I was pretty much a brat. But luckily Leif persevered and helped me talk things through. I felt Much better after releasing the tears and talking for a while. It was so nice to be together without any interruptions. We shopped, ate, and then we went to a movie. We were only slightly irritated that our movie was canceled until a later time that night. It just meant that we were able to be together longer with a good excuse. We actually went to the store and bought a couple of fun little card games (Mad Gab and ?) We had a lot of fun eating our frozen yogurt and playing games while we waited for the movie time to come.

This moment was just one of many wonderful moments that have come since my Explosion post. I needed to share this moment to prove that whether soon after or much later, hard things do pass!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Leif's Deep Thought and other ramblings...

This is a papa/hubby post...

So I was thinking...(yes I know that many people may consider this dangerous and not recommended...especially for me...)  While I was thinking I came up with these deep thoughts.  They may also be considered incoherent ramblings, splashes of inspiration, idiocy, and many other names...

Many people may be upset now that employers, potential employers, school, and others may research who we are using popular programs like facebook, twitter, myspace, and many more.

This is what I think...

If you fear they will find you saying or doing stupid things, don't post them.
If you fear they will find who you really are, don't use these programs.

But even more importantly

If you fear they will find you saying or doing stupid things, don't do or say stupid things!
If you fear they will find who you really are, don't be!  Wouldn't you want your bosses, schools, and others to really know who you are now instead of later?  If you are a person of faith, let it be known!  If you are a family man, let it be know!  If you have a sense of humor, let it be known!  If you have challenges in life you over came, let it be known!

After reading this and you still are afraid of letting others learn about you, then start living a life that you should not be ashamed of!

I know not everyone will agree with that deep thought.

At the end of a day we should focus on what we accomplished and not on what we didn't.

At the end of day it is not important what we did or didn't do.  Everyone's days are inconsistent.  We all have good days and bad days.  But what is important is at the end of the day we should ask who we are.  Good people have bad days and bad people have good days.  At the end of the day ask yourself who you really are and if you like your honest answer then don't worry about the day.

Well that's enough deep thought for the moment....ok...I just thought of one more...

It doesn't matter if you are cut horizontally or into triangle or folded in half.  In the end you still are a peanut butter and jam sandwich.

Ok, time for ramblings...

As you may have noticed, Lena and I have been very busy.  Most of our focus and energy has been on getting ready for my move.  We've organized, packed, re-arranged, planned, wrote essays, shopped and more to prepare.  We have accomplished so much!  My hat goes of to my sweet Lena. As we have done this work, things on Lena's to do list have been neglected.  Rarely has she complained or let out the frustration.  It doesn't help that all the energy is for something that we are not looking forward too. (Me being gone for a year.)

It seems I have ran out of time to too do list is waiting only semi-patiently...

Thank you everyone for your support for our family and more specifically for your support to my wife!

~Leif Baron~


I woke up this morning utterly and completely fatigued.  Leif even tried to talk to me around 6:15AM this morning because he thought we were having an earthquake (we've had a couple lately.) Apparently I didn't even stir.

By 7:00 all of the kids were awake so naturally that means I need to be awake. I can't really describe how I feel on this bad days. Besides the fact that I feel like I could sleep deeply all day, my head and my limbs feel like dead weight. Really, it's a great feeling!;) Well, I prayed myself out of bed and then read a couple of verses of the scriptures for an added boost and slugged out of bed.

Without going into every detail of my morning I will get to the point of my post. Well, this morning after the kids were fed and clothed, and Jakob was off to school I finally sat down to eat a bowl of cereal. I poured my bowl of Chex and JJ promptly decided he wanted my cereal so I gave it to him and I poured myself another one. -enters Leif to get himself a bowl of cereal- I sit down to eat and JJ stands up to eat his and begins spilling half of his spoon fulls on the padded chair he's sitting on. Really, there's no way for me to write the details of what happened next or why, you know, because I'm really tired. But suddenly I just SNAPPED! I just started yelling! I wasn't yelling at anyone but myself. Leif probably thought I was yelling at him. Truth is, I was only yelling at my lack of ability to keep things together. The only thing I remember saying is that I can't I have turned out like this! Then I began to list things: "This table hasn't been wiped down in FOUR days! The counter hasn't seen a cloth in maybe SEVEN! And my kid's eat mac n' cheese and hot dogs for dinner... IF THEY'RE LUCKY! (otherwise it's corn dogs or pizza) I went on for a little longer. The last thing I remember saying was "The BIZARRE thing is, no one seems to say or think that this is all incredibly weird! (to me this is WAY below my personal standards of  how I want to be) But then I looked up and Leif was silently staring at me... I went silent too.

Silence. That about sums it up. There is nothing Leif or I can think of to solve all of these annoying problems. I have great days that I try my hardest to catch up. I have good days. And then I have these terrible days. And for some completely unknown reason, this is my life. I am trying to figure out why chronic fatigue and  illness is one of the trials of my life. But it is. And some days, like today, I just Explode with the sadness of it's reality. And then, after stepping back for a little while, Leif and I look at each other with some indescribable understanding and love, and we gather the pieces I've just spewed all over, and we move forward. Because, after all, sometimes that's all we can do...
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