Thursday, January 26, 2012

True Enduring Love

I had never been loved by a man before Leif walked into my life and quite literally rescued me from a whirlwind of confusion and unmet love.

Looking back I am in awe at how Father in Heaven knows our life's plan so intricately. He was easing Leif into my life long before I even took notice. Helping me gain just enough trust and attraction to him to give me the courage to call him. Looking back I remember sitting next to him in Sacrament meeting and feeling so safe, so at home. That feeling only grew as we fell in love. Eventually it was a tangible warmth that filled my soul. Just to be with him. Leif was the life breath to my heart. So long my heart  had been still that I learned to live without it. When he walked into my life the wall around my very being crumbled allowing him entrance. As if it knew he was finally home and there was no need to protect. I will never be able to express the miracle his love worked upon my soul. As I write, the tears fall down my cheeks with a deep understanding of the gift he is to me.

When we were dating Leif loaned me a book. I don't remember the door that it unlocked within my heart but I remember sobbing as I read. Leif walked in while I was crying and he scooped me up into his strong and healing arms. I will never forget the feeling of peace that surrounded me during that moment. Warmth, love, healing, Christ like peace. I knew he was who Father had saved for me. He was the man I dared not dream about. One with perfect acceptance. To feel such peace was intoxicating for me. I had never in my entire life felt the healing that Leif brought. Just by being him. He still renews my soul when he enters the home. There is just something about him that completes me.

I am grateful that Leif has never felt so desolate as I have felt. I think my need for him has been somewhat baffling for him throughout the years.  As our life has progressed and the good the bad and the ugly have entered onto the stage, there are dark nights when I cry to him in frustration because I feel that he could go on with his life without me. He assures me in his faith-filled way that we shouldn't worry about the possible days ahead of separation. He tells me that he will miss me very much. But the struggle comes when I can't feel his words any more then he can feel the ache within my soul. There is something there. Something personal within us that is ours alone to work through. Love can only heal so much before it is Christ's love that is required to make up the rest.

Yesterday Leif came home from work with dinner, dessert, and flowers. Need I ask for any more proof of his love? Why then, do I? The night before last, Leif worked with the boys and unloaded the dishwasher and loaded it. And that was only one of the many many things he had done that day. Need I ask for any more proof of his love? Why then, do I?  This morning Leif made pancakes for us after he had taken Jakob to school. Need I ask for any more proof of his love? Why then, do I?  I am not left cold and alone within our cozy bedroom at night... Need I ask for any more proof of his love? Why then, do I? 

Why do I expect Leif to read my mind? Why do I compare our life to that of a fictional novel? Why am I  tempted to always want more. Why?

The answer is simple. Someone hates this gift that we have been given. Someone wants to destroy this eternal love that I have been given. The Adversary hates our love! It is I who needs to take on this fight. And fight I will!  True enduring love is ever changing.  Sometimes it is a tangible warmth within the soul. Sometimes it is a giving of your all for the other. Sometimes it is a belief that it will get better and a fight to win it back. Just as the seasons change with the warmth of the sun and the chill of the winds so it is with a true enduring love. Always look for the sun within the season. For it is the Son who endureth in all things.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Jakob's Special Trip With Mama and Papa: Aviation Nation Air Show

We try to take the boys on a little trip alone with us every few months or so. In November 2011 we surprised Jakob with a trip to his first Air Show and WOW was it Great!  We used the money from our family Disney Land jar to make the trip. That made it extra special because Jakob helped earn the money by gathering and selling the eggs.

Jakob knew we were going somewhere together for a day but we wouldn't tell him where we were going. We left really early in the morning and drove to Las Vegas (Nellis Air Force Base.) We listened to music and ate treats along the way. Jakob REALLY wanted to know where we were going. But I'm glad we kept it a secret. Because when he saw the Air Force uniforms he went crazy with excitement and knew just what was happening. It was The Best!

We spent the whole day going through the booths and watching the show. It was the first Air Show any of us had been to and it was AWESOME! The Thunderbirds were AmAzInG!  We loved it!! We look forward to going again some day!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Who Am I?

I decided to update my profile description. This is what I've had written for the last year or so.

I am a husband loving, children focusing, time scheduling, 1000 square foot living, home schooling, ever praying, too much chocolate eating, friend listening, exercise trying, wellness seeking, wife of one full time working - ever schooling, mother of three who are very much living and two who are heaven living.
I most often answer to, Mama!
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