Friday, November 19, 2010

"Truck" A.K.A. Strep Throat

Last night I wrote about what I thought was a Fibromyalgia flare up. However, I woke up at 2 in the morning with a fever of 103 degrees. I had a sore throat but it wasn't any worse then the aches. So I didn't think too much about it. In the morning I checked my throat and realized what I had. Thank Heavens for medicine!!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Hit By A Truck!

Have you ever lay in bed and felt like you've been hit by a truck while you were asleep? I swear it must have run right over me and I didn't see a thing!!;)

Yep, today was one of those days. I could feel it coming on last night. And in the middle of the night it hit full force and lasted throughout the day. Our sleeping habits have been disturbed by Caleb's struggles from the surgery. And then JJ decided to join in the fun and fuss and cry and refuse to eat. Lovely! Luckily Leif and I make a good team and when my body won't let me move another muscle unless I HAVE to, Leif steps up and meets the need. So Lucky!

It's bed time again. The kids are in bed and I wanted to make sure they're REALLY in bed before snuggling down in my own heavenly mattress. And it looks like they are, so Gnight! Better days ahead!

Monday, November 15, 2010

New Insight About Life, Death, Heaven, and Peace

My eyes were opened to new insight last night. I am going to try to put it into words.

Yesterday Leif and I read the headlines on the news and read the story about the horrible accident in Arizona that killed several motorcyclists and a passenger in one vehicle. It was a complete accident. Directly after reading the article, I turned to Leif and said "it's too bad the driver didn't die too." The unsaid words to this statement of mine were, "the pain and guilt of such an accident would be so unbearable, I would rather death then have to face such a trial." Leif on the other hand made no comment to mine.

Later that evening we were talking in bed about our relationship and love for each other. I half jokingly said "I hope you don't mind, but I've prayed that we'll both enter heaven at the same time." Again, the unsaid words were "I hope we both die together, because the pain of being without you on earth would be too much to take." Leif chuckled and assured me that he didn't mind such a prayer. However, he followed up with a teaching moment. He mentioned my comment about the car accident. He proceeded to tell me that he can't understand such the reasoning behind wanting death over life. He explained that he never blames anyone who wishes for it, he just simply doesn't understand it.

It has taken several years for me to come to understand Leif's reasoning behind this. For example, when we lost our girls he handled the loss far different then I did. He lives very much in the moment and lets the past and future worry over itself. This is because Leif has been blessed with a special gift. His faith in, and understanding of heaven and the eternities is sure and clear. His spirit still reminds him of the millenia of time that we spent in the premortal existence preparing for this short time on earth. There was Nothing we longed for more then coming to earth, come what may, it made no difference. Leif clearly envisions this life as an accelerated learning course. One that we are to gather as much learning and experience from as possible. So the desire to end the course early is confusing to him.

In my mind, I envision heaven as pure bliss (as long as Leif is there with me.) I think of it as pain free, negative emotion free, etc. On the other hand, Leif is right when he reminded me that my vision isn't completely accurate. We will still feel the same feelings on the other side of the vail as we feel here. We will all continue to have agency, freedom to choose the light of Christ or not. So in his mind he saw the driver in the accident still struggling with the guilt of taking several people's life. In fact, he sees the possibility of an unforgiving victim coming to the driver in the spirit world and venting their emotions about their life being taken early. Yes, heaven has a stronger influence of Christ. But we do not forget this earthly life and it's happenings and emotions once we enter. Yes, there will be a time of pure bliss after this life, but that time only comes after the second coming of Christ when those who are worthy enter into the Celestial Kingdom with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Therefore, wishing death upon a struggling person is not the answer. Praying that the person will overcome the heartache they suffer is.

So the "new" insight? Life is priceless. Come what may, and Love it! Death is not necessarily the answer to pure peace. The Atonement of Jesus Christ and His healing power is the only Pure Peace.
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