Saturday, October 17, 2009

Thank You!

THANK YOU SWEET FRIENDS!! Thank you for your sweet words of comfort about Lady. All will be well...

Friday, October 16, 2009

Sad Puppy Tales

Well, you all won! I write this with sad and mixed emotions... We have to sell our puppy. I have avoided writing about it because I can't take any "told you so" comments. So if you feel the urge, resist!

Lady is precious. Actually, there is nothing wrong with her. She is simply a puppy. And as many of you tried to warn me about, puppies are A LOT of Work! We told Jakob tonight and tears filled his eyes, which brought tears to my eyes, and it was all really sad. So why are we selling her?

Well, although I'd really like to have a grand reason like, she bit a whole through Jakob's bedroom door and devoured his stash of snacks, that's not the case. The truth is that she barks and wakes the kids up. She nipps at the kids non stop which leads to non stop screaming and a need for intervention. And potty training is a full time job. The truth is, She's a PUPPY!

It's a very sad story. I have grown to love her and I feel like I failed myself, my kids, and her. But with all that I have going on in life and all that is surely in the future, the current situation isn't working. So, we've put her on KSL classifieds and I hope I can confidently tell the people who call that YES, she is available. And then, I hope I'll be able to pass her to another family and not hate myself after it's all said and done.

So, that's the Sad Puppy Tale, folks. It is sad indeed!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

A Day In Our Life

Have you ever sat at your computer desk and tried to pretend that a tornado has not blown through your house, that your To-Do list is Doable, and your five year old isn't calling for your attention? Well, that is where I'm at at the moment.

I wanted to write more. But Jakob's got a point. The eggs need to be gathered, and counted. The newest book needs to be read. And soon it's lunch time, Right? YEP! Sure is! Wish me luck today good friends!

All is well!!

Monday, October 12, 2009

The Journey Through Grieving

After the loss of our girls I found comfort through writing. Unfortunately I had not figured out the value of blogging at this point. So I recorded my writing on a website that I created. It is now time to close that website. So before I do I will copy a page that I wrote onto my blog for the record.

This was written around February-March of 2007:

The Journey:
Loss - Mourning - Grieving - Remembering -
Living

Healthy Grieving: Never forgetting, yet always moving forward to a brighter existence. After all, I think that is what our loved ones who have passed on are doing….

I have been strengthened through my grief by my Heavenly Father, my family, and the environment I have created around me. I find ways to share my experiences and heartache. I allow the tears to flow. And I listen to my soul and go at the pace that I need to. I take in the loving words that bring me comfort, and cast out thoughts of the words from others that do not bring comfort. I pray, I ponder, and I move forward.

I deeply miss the children whom I have lost; as well as my dear grandmother, as it should be. I never forget, I just continue to walk with faith. Faith is an action word!
Late Night Thoughts Along The Way...

Some people in my life seem to think that I am perfectly okay. When in reality, I am not always Okay. This is part of the grieving process. Good, bad, and ugly days. I’m not sure why people have this perception that everything is “all better.” It is either that I am sending off false signals, that they are interpreting my signals falsely, or, they just simply don’t feel the loss anymore in their personal lives, so it no longer exists. What ever the reason, my feelings are real and grieving the loss of a child (or three) is ever present. I read this evening about this ever present grieving. It was defined as “Shadow Grieving.” That is exactly how it feels! I have also found that I can recognize the “shadow” now in other mothers who are on the same journey as I am.

So what do we do? Well, we keep walking on! We keep smiling through the tears! We stop and have a good cry and let our souls process the experience of loss! I explain those moments as if my mind is opening up the doors in a house that I once lived in one by one and reliving all of the experiences and emotions of that “room” one by one. As this process takes place, it allows my soul to heal; one room at a time, one experience at a time, or one emotion at a time.

March 2007: The night that I wrote the content of this page I was experiencing a defining moment in my grieving process and I didn't know it at the time. For several days leading up to that night my whole body had become consumed with a huge amount of physical pain from my head to the soles of my feet. I finally accepted the fact that I was in pain and I feared the worst.

That night as I was trying to fall asleep I began to allow a few memories and emotions about my loss to flow. From that moment on I cried for six hours. I cried and experienced all of the emotions that I needed to feel. The next day I was blessed with the chance to sleep the whole day. What I didn't notice until I was fully awake was the fact that the horrible pain in my body was gone! Because I had allowed my body to process all of the emotions that I was experiencing I was cleansed both physically and spiritually. Truly Amazing!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

My friend just posted this on her blog and I Loved it!

PREGNANCY Q & A
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

"ESTROGEN ISSUES"10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says:'How's my driving-call 1- 800-'.
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from outer space.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.AND,the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN
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