Thursday, July 02, 2009

Struggling To Create

Along with our weekly projects in my Creative Writing course we have a Final Project that we're supposed to

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Editor Has Spoken

I thought a lot about my CNF piece throughout the night and figured out what I was trying to get across with it. I was also pleased to receive some good feedback from our writers workshop this morning too. So, this afternoon I got to work. I wrote, changed a diaper, wrote, made a bottle, wrote, sent Jakob to a friends house, and I wrote. I was just thrilled that my brain was working again.

I finished with the piece and I thought I'd send it to my dad (my editor:) As a chief copy editor for the Deseret News, he has an idea of how to critique a paper. I asked him to read it and give me his thoughts. And he did. What I was happy about was that I number one, didn't get upset by his requests, and number two, I could follow what he was trying to suggest. To me, that tells me that this class is paying off.

He told me that I had good stories but the flow of the piece wasn't smooth enough. So, I went back to work. I actually think I may have accomplished what he was suggesting. I guess we'll see...

Happy Almost July!

I Love the month of July! I especially love the 4th of July when we celebrate our great country. So I was anxious to make my blog show my patriotism! I will take the time later to write a few more thoughts on this subject. But for now, Happy Day!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Still Working On It

I follow a woman's blog who lost a little girl a year ago. She drown in their hot tub. This woman is a wonderful example of faith and hope. Often when I read her blog I come away in deep thought. It allows me to process some of the feelings and experiences that I still have when it comes to the loss of my girls.

It still amazes me that I feel their loss. At the same time it just feels like a very vivid dream. However, there are times when I feel the reality. A couple of weeks ago I got a phone call from a friend. She called to tell me that her niece had just given birth to a set of twin daughters who had the same condition as my girls. They survived. We talked for a little while as I asked some details and she felt eager to share. The problem was my attitude within my heart. As we were talking I grew irritated. I kept wondering why people contact me just to tell me that they know of a set of twins who Survived! Why would I want to know that!? Call me if they died, and I can help, and have something to say. But if they survive, what am I supposed to say!? All the while as these thoughts and feelings are going through my soul I know that I am in the wrong. This is NOT how my Savior would have me react. He wants me to celebrate with this family.

Then I tell Leif, and before I blink an eye he questions my reaction and tells me I should be happy for them. I get ANGRY! He begins to tell me about some feelings that he's had about the girls that week, but I'm too Angry and I hush him saying I don't want to talk about it anymore. But then I realize he was going to share some deep thoughts about the girls (a rare moment) and I am immediately humbled. He really does care about the girls and my feelings... So the humbling begins...

Pride and grief can become frightfully intertwined. It ts vitally important that we recognize this and work to keep them separate. I am still working on it...

Hit a Wall or a Crossroad

I'm working on a Creative Non-fiction piece about my time living in Hawaii. It has turned out to be a traditional Memoir. My professor wrote a great lecture about keeping our ego out of our memoirs. I really needed that lecture. I find that when i write a memoir, I often try to weave a deeper meaning into it. Something that I want to "teach" my readers. I want to avoid that with this piece. The problem is, I don't know how. I'm stuck in a rut of habit and I am working on digging my way out.

I put the piece on our class' writer's workshop early hoping to get some good feedback. Really, this piece was written for them. My first draft was a bunch of ideas that I could write on and they seemed to really like learning about Life in Hawaii and their culture. So I'm hoping they can help me finish it like they helped me start it. We'll see. In the mean time, I'm going to set it aside for a bit and roll it around in my brain.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Summer Liven': With Pics

WOW! I have been able to nap over 4 hours today. AMAZING! Sure hope I can sleep tonight.:) Little Caleb has a fever again. I'm thinking it's teething. He finally had two teeth break through this past week. He had a little fever with those. But he's miserable today. I figure I just have to get used to fevers and achy kids. Jakob had high fevers and misery regularly for the first three years of his life. Caleb is following suet.

So every one's napping and I figure I'll update. We're doing well.... See ya!

Na, just kidding:) Let's see, Leif and I are finishing up the main phase of our diet. Leif lost 25 pounds and looks Great! I lost 16 pounds and look better and I feel great! The phase that we're entering now is called the maintenance phase. We get to eat as much as we want of anything except carbs and sugars. So still not perfect, but a lot better then the last phase. We're hoping to continue to loose while we're in this three week maintenance phase. I'm just looking forward to being able to strengthen my muscles and use the elliptical trainer that we borrowed from Leif's parents. It will be nice to have more energy. At least that's what I'm hoping. We'll keep up our HCG blog so we can track how we're doing. The main question that we, and everyone else is asking is, Will We Keep It Off? I sure hope so! We shall see!

Other then our crazy diet, Leif and I are wrapped up in school. He is doing well. It's a pretty intense course and he's trying to stay at his A average. My classes are intense as well. I am just hoping to pass and come away a stronger writer with a more established writing voice and broader experience range. It has not, and will not be easy. But, Leif and I feel good about our schooling efforts. Hopefully it will all rub off onto our kids and their vision of school.

We have had to come up with a routine in order to meet all of the needs of the family. In the morning, Leif and Jakob take care of the chickens and the yard while I do the morning routine around the house and with Caleb. From there, Leif goes over to the trailer (that is his parent's by the way. Some of you thought it was ours. It's not.) Anyway, he goes there and does school work for 3-4 hours. Until lunch time. Then we eat lunch together and I go over to the trailer until around 3 or 4:00. By then, we have to switch gears and just have family time.

Jakob is handling the summer pretty good. He plays outside a lot more and Really appreciates it when we go outside with him. He enjoys doing his school work throughout the week. I had hoped that it would be more organized, but it's not. It pretty much consists of writing his name each day, finding pages to work on in a work book, or playing on the computer on the selected educational sites that I put on his computer. I hope that some how we've kept his brain growing. I shouldn't even question. Today he called out to us in anger and frustration, "you're just jealous!" Uhh, who taught him that? He is a sponge and he is learning ALL kinds of things these days. Good, bad, and ugly!

Jakob started swimming lessons this week. Unfortunately, the water is FREEZING and though once he's there he has a good time, he wakes up each morning and the first thing he says is, "I'm not going to swimming lessons!" Another clue that it's really stressing him out is that his night terrors have become extreme. Night after night he has woken up constantly for hours, until I finally give him benadryl to get him to fall asleep. He also came down with a really yucky cold. So, by Thursday we decided to back off on the swimming lessons this year. We night call K pool to find out if it's warmer during their lesson times. I'm sure it is. So, we'll either take him there or just teach him there ourselves on our own time. Again, we'll see. August is our month without too much school.

Caleb is growing up! He's still my little baby. But he is smart! We can tell that he understands A LOT more then he lets on. He'll shake his head yes and no according to the way he feels. He's crawl over for family prayer and last night he even half way folded his arms. He is a CLIMBER! He won't walk, but he will climb! He especially loves the step stools up to Jakob's bed and to the kitchen table. So now we have to tip the stools on their side when they're not in use. Several times I have forgotten the kitchen stool and I'll turn around and Caleb will be sitting in the middle of the table playing with whatever he can. One time it was a big cup of water. He spilled it. That's what alerted me to his circumstance. Unfortunately, I didn't catch that he had put Leif's cell phone in the cup before he dumped out the water. So Leif's phone sat in a bit of water for a while and had to take a few days to dry out. RRRG!

Caleb is a tease too! He finds all kinds of ways to tease us. Mostly doing little things against our will and snickering as he does them. Silly, normal, baby!:) So Precious!!! We love him so much!

So, like I said, we're doing well.

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