Saturday, April 11, 2009

The Merciful Resurrection

A couple of days ago Leif and I babysat our good friend's children. While we were caring for the children I caught a glimpse of why the Resurrection of Jesus Christ means so much to me.

I was standing at the kitchen sink and before I knew what was happening, I heard "Drink Mom!" This little plea came from my friend's two year old daughter. She has beautiful blond curly hair and a bright flashing smile. I was instantly struck by the thought that I had two little ones who would be her age. She was born right around when my girls were due to be born.

It's moments like those that send a mother who has lost a child straight to her source of faith. During those times I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the plan of our Heavenly Father. I can not fathom the hopelessness that would envelope me without the sure knowledge that because of Jesus Christ we will all live again. This knowledge heals my soul on a daily basis. I know the pain that comes from the loss of a loved one. I also know the merciful relief that comes through the Atonement of our Savior.

I know that my Redeemer lives. What Comfort this sweet sentence gives.... He Lives!

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Spring Cook Out!

On a more cheerful note:

Last night we invited some friends over for a yummy spring cook out. Leif was my hero once again. He came home from work and went straight to work digging the fire pit, setting up the chairs, and starting the fire. Thanks Love!

We made some delicious Tin Foil Dinners and had a great visit! Thanks for coming Heaton Family!! We'll look forward to the Dutch Oven Potato's next time and I'll remember the Smores!

Missing My Grandma

I think I miss my grandma. My grandma was one of my best friends. She still is. It's just that I can't talk to her every day like I used to...

Over a period of a few years I got in the habit of calling my grandma on almost a daily basis. We would talk about life and it's happenings and then go about our day. I found great strength from these talks. As time grew closer to my grandma's last days here on earth I started paying attention more to what she was saying always wondering if the last thing she said would be the last thing I heard from her. Grandma passed away on the eve of Mothers Day. How very appropriate...

I am very much like my grandma in so many ways. I just wish I could talk to her now and she could help me understand myself better. If she couldn't do that, she would at least validate my crazy life.... Holistic Health, Writing, Mother Hen Mothering, etc...

Yes! I miss you grandma...

Monday, April 06, 2009

Caleb's Birthday Party

The first Monday of each month those of us in the family that live close to eachother get together for a Family Home Evening. It has been a wonderful experience. This month we celebrated Caleb's First Birthday. Leif's mom made us a delicious dinner. I made a cute cake. Thanks Erik and Stacey for the cute gifts. Thank you Grandma and Grandpa Dixon for the sweet card. Thanks you everyone for celebrating with us! We had a great time! Here are the photos from his party.

I think I love this boy!

Caleb Loves Cars and Books!

The cake represents "Mama's Bright Eyes" My Caleb!

Jakob gave Caleb a little help.

Mama gave Caleb a WHOLE piece of cake!

Now that is cute!!
Grandpa was copying Caleb's latest sound "ooo"
Ohhh Yeah!

Sunday, April 05, 2009

The Answer To My Greatest Fear

I have hesitated to mention what my absolute deepest fear is. I haven't always been plagued with this fear. It stemmed from the loss of my daughters and my grandmother. I don't talk about it much because I feel like if I mention it, it will be challenged and come to pass. My fear is that Leif will die young and I will be left without him. I can not put my feelings into words about what this thought does to me. I am actually preoccupied by this fear at times. So this is the question that I posed to the Lord during General Conference today: How can I replace this fear that I have with faith, hope, and trust?

When I feel the emotions of this fear start to creep into my thoughts I usually read Leif's patriarchal blessing. This calms my heart and reminds me that he has much to accomplish in this life and I have no logical reason to fear. But in reality, what I need is the faith that even if I did lose Leif early, I would survive and I would prove faithful. At times I honestly don't think that I would.

I received an answer to my question today. It came from the mouth of our living prophet, Thomas S. Monson. He told us the heart wrenching and shocking story of a wife and mother who triumphed over the deepest of tragedy and sorrows. She lost her husband to war. She was then forced to leave her native land and walk to Germany with all of her young children in the middle of winter. One by one, her children died. The last being her baby, who died in her arms. This mother was all consumed by her grief. So intense was the pain of her loss that she was tempted to take her own life. Just as she was to her lowest point, she heard the whisperings of the spirit telling her to get down on her knees and pray. From that prayer, she allowed the Lord to swallow up her burden and replace it with light and hope. President Monson went on to tell about how this precious sister later bore testimony of the power of the atonement and the Savior's love.

As President Monson told this story I understood what he was trying to tell us. I caught his meaning, because I have experienced it. In a very minute way in comparison to this sister, I have felt heart ache and loss and have had it swallowed up in the arms of my Savior. Though I can not fathom this woman's loss, and I pray daily that I will never have to. I do understand and I know that it is possible to survive such grief as long as we allow the Lord to take our burden. So this was my answer from the Lord to the question that I posed to him this morning.

With God, All Things Are Possible. If this wife and mother could survive such loss, so can I if required.
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