Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Reoccurring Dreams


My friend Heidi wrote about a reoccurring nightmare that she keeps having. I told her that I have a similar dream, and that I would write about it. I actually have a few reoccurring dreams. When Leif and I got married I started to pay attention more to my dreams. I noticed my nightmares a lot more, probably because I had someone to snuggle with and find comfort from after waking from the nightmare. Over the five years that we've been married I have 4 different reoccurring nightmare themes.

The most common nightmare theme is a dream that ends with a horrible argument between my mother and I. The context of the dream changes but the theme is always conflict and sadness. My mother and I often viciously tell each other that we hate each other. I usually end up going back to her and taking my words back. Other times I just plead to know why I am hated so much. It sounds terrible, I know. They are often very disturbing. I pray that they will go away...

The second most common theme revolves around the last days of my senior year in high school. It's the end of the last semester of my senior year. I have skipped so many classes that I can't even remember my schedule, let alone where the classes are located. I have to find a way to get the office ladies to reissue me my schedule so I can try to save myself from not graduating from high school. Sometimes the dream ends with that frustration. Sometimes it continues and I am not able to graduate and I have to go through different scenarios of telling people that I won't be walking with my class in graduation.

The next dream revolves around Leif. Whenever I have this dream the story of the dream is different, but I am always trying to reach Leif on my cellphone. I can't get hold of him. My phone is broken, or I can't remember the phone number, or he just doesn't answer the phone.

The fourth and final nightmare stems from the loss of my twins. In this dream I have given birth to a baby. But somehow I have forgotten to nurse the baby. After hours of forgetting to care for the baby, I frantically and hysterically search for the baby. When I find the baby it is no longer living.... Such a bizarre dream!

Reasons for these nightmares?
I can't tell you every reason. But the obvious reason to me are:

First dream: My mother and I fought viciously when I was growing up. It was very traumatic for me and obviously had a serious impact on my subconscious self.

Second Dream: Well, I skipped class a lot in high school. I graduated because of the mercy of my sign language teacher passing me when I should have failed. I think that affected me. I also liked the thoughts that my friend Heidi had about the fact that I might be feeling unprepared for something in my real world.

Third dream: Leif and I joke that I probably have that dream when I want to snuggle with Leif but I'm too asleep to wake up enough to roll over and snuggle:) It might also stem from the horrible fear that I have of losing Leif.

Fourth dream: This one is obvious. When I lost the twins, one of the hardest things physically was having to stop the production of breast milk. It really affected me psychologically. I think now that I am nursing Caleb, my subconscious mind sometimes tries to alert me that I have other babies that I should have nursed and cared for.

What an interesting world our dreams create.

2 comments:

ML said...

I still have a lot of high school dreams. I'm usually sitting in band rehersal, I've got my bassoon, but I realize it has been 12 years since I played it last and my children are always with me, making playing more difficult.

I loved band and I miss playing bassoon. I'm never without at least three children in everything I do and it does make everything more of a challenge. That is easy to explain excpet for the reason of why? What brings up these band dreams so often? I can't figure that one out....

Heidi Hamilton said...

Wow. You really do remember yours. I always do in the morning (espeically when I've been up at night feeding a baby), but I hardly ever remember them after that unless I keep having them.
Yours are really interesting. My mom always says to find the strongest emotion in a dream and go off that to find out maybe why we have them. You have lots of good insight!

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