Thursday, October 30, 2008


Well, Thursday is Finally Here! Jakob has his preschool Halloween parade and then we're off to G&G Hunt's home for a great Halloween weekend! We'll spend the day at Gardener Village window shopping. Then we'll take Jakob trick or treating at the mall. Then that night we get to go to the Halloween Murder Mystery Dinner that my brother and parents have produced this year. We'll all go in costume and it should be really fun! Jakob and Caleb will both wear their little ghost costumes I made.
So that's the plan for the weekend. The events of the last week are not too eventful. Actually, They have been! Leif has been considered a resident at Northern Arizona University. He hasn't been admitted yet. But we're hopeful. Leif was also offered another job (to go along with his current job.) He will be a recruiter for the community college in our county. He will recruit new students and teachers, help everyone with Student Aid applications, and run entrance tests as needed. It's 12 hours per week at double the pay that he's making at the elementary school. It will be busy! But all in all, I think it will work out. We're happy about it!

My update is that I'm feeling better for the most part. I did go in and get back on my anti-depressant. It helped right away. I need to remember to just accept that they help and stay on them... However, the Paxil started making me gain weight quickly. This is NOT acceptable! So the Dr. added Wellbutrin to counteract that side effect. We'll see how it goes. The last couple of days have been hard. Caleb is really sick again. He doesn't sleep well. When I finally get him to sleep for a long stince, I'm so awake I can't go back to sleep. So I'm a bit of a zombie. I had a huge youth activity last night too. I was in charge of the food. Last night was the first time in a long time that I was overcome with the emotions of not fitting in in a small town. I just do things differently (it didn't help that my emotions we're already on high alert.) I ordered food platters for the 100 people coming to the event. For the most part that went over fine. But some people did murmur about the cost (even though the leadership okayed it). I just made life easier for everyone. There were other things too that just stood out to me that reminded me that I grew up in a TOTALLY DIFFERENT World! I've been trying to stop bringing that up so I can try to blend in. But sometimes it becomes too apparent.

Anyway, we're doing good! I'm REALLY looking forward to this trip!! I need to get out for a few days. We'll also head over to the cemetery to visit the girls. I am going to try and find some stones that say Faith and Hope to put on their headstone. Flowers just get thrown away... The girls would be two years old today... I still miss them. I find myself hugging and cuddling my boys more around this time...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Essay # 3 Complete: Their Expectations - His Realities

Type of Essay: Comparison and Contrast
Subject Given: Expectation vs. Reality
Grade Given: A

Their Expectations - His Realities

Someone once said, “If you want to make God laugh, just tell him your plans.” A newly married couple may think they have life all figured out. They’ve found each other after a long and wearisome search – and now it’s time for life to really start. This newlywed couple plans to have a family, a business, and their own home, and all of this will happen in a smooth and timely manner. They daydream and commit their dreams to paper. Little do they know what realities God has in store for them.

They’ll wait a year before getting pregnant. Then the pregnancy will be heavenly bliss, filled with joy as the couple anticipates the arrival of their first child. The family will enjoy their time together for two years before inviting another child into the family. This process will continue until the couple has three or four children.

Their plan also includes building a business together. This business will thrive into a nationally known company. Life will be full of responsibilities – and some stress. However, the couple will be able to meet the demands of both home and business – simply because they are doing it together. Three years after they have their business up and running, they’ll purchase a home, and their family will all fit nicely into this quaint little home.

However, God has a much different plan in store for them. Though He might not really laugh at the couple’s good intentions, He knows the realities. He knows that becoming pregnant will not be hard for the couple. Yet, He also knows that once the wife is pregnant, illness and fatigue will plague her for the whole nine months leading up to the birth of their first son. He also knows that the couple’s second pregnancy will result in a disheartening miscarriage.

When the wife becomes pregnant for a third time, the couple will be thrilled and astonished by the news that she is pregnant with identical twin daughters. However, God knows that this third pregnancy will be the beginning of a refiner’s fire for the young family. He knows that after a long road of trying to bring the babies into the world healthy and strong, it will be to no avail. Their first daughter will be stillborn at delivery, and their second will live only eight days. The couple will have to face the journey of mourning the loss of their daughters together.

Not all will be tragedy and loss for this little family. God will ensure that there will be at least one peace-filled pregnancy for this wearied mother. She will deliver a healthy baby boy after the loss of the twins. The life and vibrancy of the boys in this family will fill their home with laughter and cheer. As husband and wife, the couple will grow in love as they struggle to make many hard decisions and find joy through the sorrows.

Just as God knows the realities of the couple’s child-baring plans, He knows the realities of the couple’s business as well. They will work hard to build it into a thriving business but then have to sell it so the mother can focus on her children.

The money from the sale, which was meant to purchase the home of their dreams, will go to pay hospital expenses. Then the husband, who is no longer a business owner, will be forced to enter college, much later in life then planned.

So five years after marriage, the couple will be raising two children instead of five and, instead of being thriving business owners, they will both be full-time students. Also, rather then living in a quaint home of their own, they’ll be living in an apartment above his parent’s garage.

The couple will understand that though it’s good to plan ahead and set high expectations, one must understand that The Man Upstairs, who knows the greater plan and paints the masterpiece of life, might have other realities.

Monday, October 27, 2008

My Hero

For our family, Monday night means Family Night. Many nights we end our Family Home Evening with the latest episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition (EMHE), on

Tonight I wearily sat down to watch the show. The minute the show started the spirit of giving and hope entered our home. By the end of the night I was re energized and filled with enough cheer and motivation to get up and do the dishes. This is really saying something if I'm doing dishes at 7:00 at night. But the great feeling didn't end with me. Jakob and Leif were inspired too:) They cleaned the living room together and then Leif topped it off by finishing the dishes with me!

The theme of the season for EMHE is Hero's. I started pondering about who my hero is... To me a hero brings hope, peace, strength, and love. There are also hero's who show physical bravery or courage. But right now, I want to talk about my hero.

My hero is my husband. When I was a teenager, for some reason I would never let myself daydream about the man that I would marry. Perhaps it was an innate fear that I would never find him. I think it may have been simply that I could never have imagined the man that I have been blessed with.

Now, Leif is not perfect. He would want me to make that clear.:) But he is perfect for me. Leif swept me off of my feet when he came over to spend time with me, but he ended up showing much needed attention to my brother whom I was caring for at the time. He took the time to play games with him and make us both laugh all night long.

Leif has been a pillar of strength for me through many hard times. He will do anything for me to make my life easier. I have to be careful not to take it for granted. Leif is kind and peaceful to all that he meets. He is an incredible father. Jakob counts on Leif to make up a whole new bedtime story every night before bed. He also insists that Leif play the rhyming game with him as well. Often times Leif and I will sit together and talk about the kid's and their development. We'll set up a game plan together that will meet one of the kid's needs or work on a current problem. These are some of the moments that I value most with Leif, working together to raise our children. I am so grateful that he doesn't just leave it all up to me!

Leif has had to make many sacrifices these last five years. He has started towards accomplishing dreams only to have them snuffed out by the hard realities of life. Sometimes those realities have been harder then others.... Leif has held our family together when I was not able to help in any way. The amazing part about this is that he has never complained. He has never resented the past and it's dealings. He just keeps looking forward.

How could I not be inspired by such a man? Leif is truly my hero...

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